Giving away our power: Why we do it & how to get it back

Have you had days when you feel fatigued, but don’t know why? Or you may feel like a part of you is missing? If this sounds familiar, you may be giving away your power.

There are many ways we can lose our power and get knocked off balance. We explore 5 of them in the next 5 posts, with easy tips to begin to get your energy back and find you center again. The first way of losing our power we explore is...

We give it away!  It’s true - giving away our power is common. We give it away by:

• Looking outside of ourselves for answers.
• Pouring ourselves (read: our power) into our work, especially people in the helping professions.
• Leaving a part of our heart behind when leaving a relationship or when a loved one passes.

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The most common way we give away our power, and the most culturally supported way, is by looking to someone else for answers. We seek answers from teachers, experts, family and others in authority. While the opinions and advice of authorities can help point us in a certain direction, ultimately it’s up to us to know what is true for us, for our situation, for where we are or what we want now. The best teachers give us tools and a framework to find our own answers, to connect with our own power. When we give outside experts more authority in our life than our own desires, feelings and dreams, we give our power away.

We also give away our power with the intention of helping others. This will be familiar for caregivers, helping professionals or those of us who have loved ones going through a difficult time. When sitting with someone who is suffering, we try and offer some of our power and strength to alleviate his or her pain. Over time, this leaves us feeling depleted/burned out and we may notice that it does not have the desired effect on the other person. Your energy can not be used by someone else and relief can only happen when he or she is able to regain their own sense of power.

When losing a loved one – whether it’s an end of a relationship or through death – we can feel a sense of emptiness or feel not wholly ourselves. This is a normal part of the grieving process, but if you notice the experience extending beyond what feels healthy for you, then it’s a good time to ask if you’ve let a part of yourself go with that person.

There is no rightness or wrongness about giving away our power - when we give our power to others, it is simply misplaced energy. Why misplaced? Our power cannot be used by someone else, so we lose our sense of balance and wholeness, while others are left with something they can’t use. We do not run on all our energy/power and we can feel deflated, fatigued or lacking harmony. We lose our center and are more vulnerable to the chaos and changes around us.

How to call your power back? By doing simply that: call it back! This is a great a practice for the end of your day. Making quiet time, when you will not be disturbed:

• Take a few full breaths, dropping your awareness into your heart.

• Ask yourself: where have I given away my power today? Where have I left my energy/power behind?
• Sit quietly, and listen. Notice how information comes to you – it may be a felt sense, an image, sounds, or a tactile experience. 
• When you’re done receiving information, call back your energy/your power from these places, people and situations. Wait until you sense it has all come back to you. You’ll know when you’re complete.
• When the process is complete, take two deep breaths and bring yourself back to the room and enjoy the feeling of wholeness and being power-filled.

This simple tool can help you call back your power once you’ve given it away. There are also ways to prevent losing your power in the first place. That’s for another, future post!

Next post: Negative Self-Talk - Power Vampire #2.